disc Proclaimed Sanctuary SKRaTCHED!
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Friday, July 26, 2002
Mood:Worried
Days Left Until Limited Wardrobe Tour Kick Off:16
Song of Choice:"In the end" by Linkin Park
Topic:Honesty

It's a funny thing isn't it? I mean..well just the fact that some people can be that way so easily but others you have to push. Today I wa talking to a boy I know via IM...he isn't exactly the easiest person to talk to. The thing is when I try to get him to open up and talk about himself and his thoughts he dodges with a joke. So When nicely asking how are you and well what do you think about this and not getting any kinda response outside of bad jokes, I moved into insult. After a few truthful insults about how he acted he snapped. He bursted out with that he thought himself to be an "f---ing loser that over eats and plays video games" I told him he had a very negative and pretty off base opinion of himself. Then he repeated soem of my insults and he said your isn't much better. Then I told him that those insults were just to get him to be honest. Then he got angry and said so you were just screwing with me and I told him no. Then I asked him why I had to push him ot get him to be honest and open up. He said he didn't know maybe I just enjoyed screwing with people. So after teh conversation went back to a happier note via some honest compliments from me. I think his favorite was the "you're a lil hottie waiting to happen' --he is quite the looker--
Song of the Moment:Track 6 on the Ayumi Hamasaki non-trance CD
but it bothers me that I had to push so much to get him to be honest and open up. Because it makes me wonder what happened to him to make him be so uptight and protecitve but with this seemily happy but weird shield of jokes to hide behind.He's just so quiet and I guess brooding I don't know maybe he's just thinking or maybe I read to much into him but I don't know the vibe is there and the vibe hasn't mislead me yet. I hate having to get in peoples faces but damn I want honest answers. He probably hates me now adn with good cause I guess. It's just I don't know I might think to hard or my vibes are all flippin out but I sense some hidden pain there but maybe I'm just assuming the worst. I just wish you know that he would trust me because there are times when I talk to him for brief instances and it's so drailing like God all that effort and I got so little out of it but that's progress I guess. Perhaps I take things to seriously. I don't know I think maybe I deem to much responsibility upon myself when it comes to people around me. Hmm...I don't know...I wish I could speak with him in person...well thoughts and opinions are welcome if anyone can spare the time to make the attempt to comprehend this rambeling mess cause in the words of Johnny C. "jeeze..this is worse than Goth Poetry..."Yes I did save those onto my computer :) then I printed them out and glued them into my Limited Wardrobe Tour hand-written journal along with a lot of Lum's sketches.

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       Your DJ: Kimberly
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